Yelling Matches With Mum

So I came into the living room today and my mum asked me what happened with my cell phone. Confused, I said nothing, which she then said a little frustratingly "At Sherway with Daddy".

Now... The last time I was at that mall was about a month and a half ago?

So she says again, "what happened?"

And of course, me being stupid silly me get really shy, look around a lot and tell her a white lie. "I put my phone down while I went to the washroom, forgot it in there, and nobody was helping me find it so I went back to dad, giving up, when I found it in the depths of my bag."

She looks upset and says; "That's not what Nanny told me."

. So, I told my mum the full truth. I left it in the bathroom, freaked out, went back to find it. I heard my J-Pop ring tone coming from a woman's purse, and told her that if I didn't get my cell back right then I would call security.

And I get up, and start to walk away when my mum compares me to- what I heard- her. And I asked her how I was being like her. Which she shouted back, which cause me to shout back. Which made my insensitive sister interrupt me, so I flipped shit, and walked to my room. Mum again compared me to her because I walk away from my problems.

Okay... I've told my entire family that I have anger issues and when I feel like punching a hole through somebody I walk away and calm the heck down. I now know what my dad was doing every time he walked away from a conversation with my mum. Because he didn't want to hurt her or anybody else.

I admire self-control and self-awareness, and I'm not trying to say that I know exactly what people are thinking.... But come on, people. A lot of humans are like me and know how they work, what their limits are.... But a lot of others don't know. Or they don't try to know.

Sometimes People ANGER ME

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Caution; Post contains swearing, sexual content, an teen angst that may be contagious. Continue at own risk.

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All humans, and I don't care how you disagree with me on this, are rude. As. Heck.

I'm going to an Anime Convention this Sunday, right? So I made plans with two of my best friends, and a shitty-ex-boyfriend-turned-friend. And I'm stoked for this convention. One of my bfs is being the Male version to my Female version of a character, the other is going to be Hibari from Reborn! Mr Ex is to be a character of which's costume I made from basically scratch. For him. For free.

So I'm pumped. I made all of these plans, we're meeting here, in this place, at this time etc., etc....

So my shitty ex agrees to everything, he seems pumped, my guy and girl bfs are pumped as well... And Mr Ex. decides to tell me four days ahead of the convention that he's got this law debate he has to do. And the meeting for it just happens to be Sunday.

So I got really grumpy and hurt because he's got until January to finish this debate, and he's too much of a pansy to tell the group that; "hey, look, I had plans for this Sunday a month before you guys said we had to meet up".

Keep in mind the costume Mr Ex will be wearing to the Con is one I spent about 37 hours working on in five days whilst balancing school, family stress and me vs self emotions.

Back to our story; Yesterday my cousin/ brotherly figure apparently helped Mr Ex write out a note to his group to send Via Facebook. Upon checking Chat Status this is true.



Toady I asked Mr Ex is he could still come to the con. He says no, makes up some bullshit excuse and juuuuust before I type out in big Caps-Lock some nasty words for him, the ass comes out with the truth.

"To be honest I don't really want to go. Anime is your thing and though I wouldn't complain I have too much on my plate right now."

In short; "I was too much of a p**sy to tell you straight-up so I waited until it was four days until the con and you have your cosplay all made up and ready to go. I also got your hopes up by saying I might be able to come after all, then crushed them and stopped on them violently."

I want to hurt Mr Ex right now.



A lesson the ass learned from Letter Boy, is that when a woman says "it's fine", it's never actually fine!

We're a confusing species and honestly I would rather be told something straight up while in the moment then afterwards or right before. Like if you had just made purple with your lover or husband or random one-night stand and they told you just after that they had an STI, you would FLIP OUT.

Right now Mr Ex made him seem like what I call a D.A.T.B.P, or for the less knowlegable; a Douche about to be punched. You prounounce the above letter sequence as "Dat-p".

Remember this.

Little Siblings

Apparently I'm not welcome to watch the season premeir of one of my favourite shows.

Half an hour ago GLEE started and I sat down to watch it.

Sister told me I couldn't change the channel, and took the remote from me. Half an hour later, on the commercial break, she changes the channel to something tottally different.

When I commented on it, she said, "Y'no what? You can go. Just go."

And now Im alone, shunned, crying because of all of the pent-up emotions I have to hold in, and wanting to punch her in the face more than I ever have before.

So, Im stuck to watching the season premeir of my favourite show on Youtube tomorrow.
Boy don't I feel special??

A Rant of Utter Anger

Sometimes people underestimate me, and sometimes people overestimate me.



I'm not 'retarded', I'm actually quite smart.

So stop insulting me.

Even as a joke.



I'm not 'your saint', I'm actually quite stressed,

angry and hurt most of the time and

dont want to listen to your damned bullshit.



So.



To those who want to insult me over and over, or treat me like absolute Garbage when I've been supporting you;


as of tonight I'm living by my own bloody rules.

I will live how I want to live.



I have been treated like shit for way too long.

Dreams

What a crappy title, hmm?

Either way, I've been thinking a lot recently... and, well, I think that I really want to major in Art (in school).
Even more, though, I think my childhood dream of becoming a Veterinarian is what I want to accomplish. I love animals, and I'm okay with blood/ gross wounds/ excetera.



During this summer I've been through more than just a few rough patches with friends, family, non-friends and total enemies.

I've turned over a new leaf.

I'm going to stop my dis-organized, lazy style and work hard for what I want. You see, the past two years of High School I've had friends BADGERING me to stay with them during lunch, during after school, excetera.
But now they're all (yes... all :( ), moving away.

Though I don't see this as a bad thing because I have phone, internet and they leave near-by. Also, well, this means I have extra time for school work, for what I want to acheive.



Everybody goes through a dark time in their life, and I think that even though I've *AHEM* been thinking some *AHEM* dark thoughts... well, I'm better now.
This doesn't mean the dark time in my life is over, per-say...

But, I've finally found a purpose in my life and damn it I'll risk a lot to get what I want.

As Nickelback says in their song "If Today Was Your Last Day";

Against the grain should be a way of life
What's worth the prize is always worth the fight
Every second counts 'cause there's no second try
So live like you'll never live it twice
Don't take the free ride in your own life

I've chosen to start fighting for I want, and I'd tired of having everything handed to me.

Click Here for Nickelback's song! :)

August 19th, 2010

Today.... has been interesting.

I have a few friends who live hours away and I went to see them today. My friend has a Transer Student living with her, and we quickly became friends.

But we had to leave early, only being able to be with my closest friends for an hour. Two hours on the road and I get to see them for an hour.... Wow.

My sister and I (who've been fighting viciously since our parent's separation), went with our grandparents and on our way BACK home, the little bi*ch kept punching me IN THE HEAD.

..... T_T

Let's Explain This Blog.

Hello to all of my net readers who have strayed from the farthest corner of wherever.
This blog is to basically rant about my life, how horrible it is and what I want to change.

Yeah....

So anyway if you havn't left yet (or are still reading and think I'm bat-gone crazy),
I'll explain this blog a little bit more.

About a year ago today my parents told me and my sister that they where going to be separating. You honestly would have never noticed that they weren't getting along.
And I was distraught.
It's every child's worst nightmare that I knew was coming.

Don't really ask me why, basically I've always had a strong sense for wrong and what will be.

I can still remember that day, honestly.
My mum and Dad sat on the couch and said; "Hey girls, we need to talk to you".
Dread filled my heart and you can imagine what came next.
Crying, hugging.
I didn't want to hug. I wanted to cry and scream and hit things.

That... was sort of when my heart went bitter.

I started swearing, my gardes went absolutely sour, I got a wicked attitude, and other things I'm not happy about.

So, if you know how I'm feeling; have sibling problems, depression, anger issues, allergic to everything you love... Trust me, you'll get a mouthful of everything in this blog.

Over and Out,
Zou.